Well, here it is...

It's like this plan and simple. My mom has stage IV lung cancer. This is the last stage of the cancer. Without treatment doctor says 6 months. With treatment we could have 1, 2, maaaaaybe 3 years left with her. With God and your prayers- maybe a miracle? Yesterday will go down as one of the worst days of my life news-wise.

I am trying to stay strong. My sister asks how can I sound so "together"? Well... honestly, I'm crying just as much as the rest of you when no one sees. I have faith that God will do things as He sees fit and if it's to take my mom from this earth, then that's how it will be. I won't be angry. I can't be angry - not enough time or space in my heart for anger right now. All I have space for is love and care. You see, something stuck out in my Bible study Tuesday night also (on the same eve of such a bad news day): a little story about the patient asking the doctor in the middle of flu season, after one of their many visits during the season - Dr. why are you so healthy in the middle of all this? The doctor replied, " my wife and I really believe that God keeps us healthy so that we can help those who are not. It's the only explanation I can figure."

WOW. Did you get that? That just sort of blew me away. I had already been down this week because since last Wednesday one of us has been sick. It started with Julia Grace- a cold, stomach upset, wouldn't eat, cold chills & goosebumps one minute, then fever the next. Well, by Saturday - JG felt terrific bouncing on our bed while I had the goosebumps and cold chills in the same bed she was jumping upon (I was powerless to stop her you see, this was the most horrid I had felt since Tracy and I had the flu a week after getting married). Daddy Tracy was at Mallory's soccer game, then buying his grandpa black shoes to go referee a game an hour after that. I'm feeling better, lingering cough - Tracy felt horrible Monday through well, today still a little. But it kept us from visiting my mom. I am hoping though that I get through this initial cold spell, get my flu shot and stay well so I can be there for my mom. That I can be the one who is healthy while she is not.

Back to my mom - she's still working. Today was day 6 of radiation. She's feeling tired. She's a little sore and stiff. She's itching to see us and we are beside ourselves wanting to see her. she's going to work, leaving for her tests/radiation, then going back to work. She's so tough! They do know now that the spots on her liver are cancer as well. Her cancer is non-small cell lung cancer. She has one mass at her C2 vertebrae, one at her left lung and lesions on her hip bones and some spots on her liver. Radiation is targeting the C2 and the hip bones. She has 9 more radiation treatments to go. Blood work weekly. Then they discuss chemotherapy and my mom is applying to do a clinical trial. Whoa there. Yep. TRIAL. The good news is this drug has worked on colorectal cancer and brain & neck cancers with a good success rate. It is an injection that goes along with chemo. It has all kinds of side effects, but it is being touted as a "wonderdrug". It is Erbitux.
You're probably hearing about it in the news because it belongs to ImClone (yes, the company Martha Stewart got in trouble for dropping their stock) and Bristol Meyers Squibb, but it's got an offer on the table for it now that it's hot stuff. ANYHOO... trial. the drug (at a staggering $30,000 per 6 week treatment) will be FREE to my mom for doing the trial. the side effects she will incur will be treated for FREE (dr. visits and prescriptions to treat them). any at-home care she needs during this trial will be FREE. Please pray that she's accepted to the trial. She's in EXTREMELY good health for her age and she's younger than most lung cancer patients. The next thing to pray for is that she isn't allergic to it. She's not ever been allergic to any other drugs - let's hope she doesn't start now.
Keep praying for her and all of us. Pray that I can continue to remain strong for those who are not. Thank you and I love you all!

Tracey

Pink for October

I saw this earlier this morning on someone else's blog - It's called Pink For October. The Pink is for breast cancer awareness.

Apparently to raise awareness they ask that your website go "pink" for the month of October. In 2007 they had 3000 websites and are aiming bigger this year.

Those that know me know I am not a girlie girl pink person. My girlie girl choice of color is ALWAYS purple or most shades of it anyways. :) But I'm a humongous navy blue fan and always have been.

Here's the link if you want to know more: http://pinkforoctober.org/about/

And if you want to register your site and see just how many are out there "pinking it" like you :https://usabilityworks.wufoo.com/reports/sites-that-went-pink-in-2008/

I am #253. This is apparently a worldwide thing as there are other sites registered there from other countries - USA is far and away the leader on the little graph chart though!

I will have an update on my mom and other things later on today. Please please pray for my mom. The prognosis isn't good but I have faith that God is working.

If God brings you to it, HE will bring you through it.
I don't know who to credit with that quote but it has always stuck with me since I heard it a good while back.

Have a good day and I'm going to get productive!

Love you all!
Tracey

a few things before I crash for the night...

1. I hadn't outright put it on my blog for various reasons, but I wanted to let everyone know my mom has been diagnosed with lung cancer a little over a week ago. She has a second mass (i already mentioned one in a previous post) in her left lung that is 5 cm. They also have reason to believe it's in her bones, mainly her hips. She is already receiving radiation for the one in her neck at the C2 vertebrae and her hips. She had a lung biopsy done last Friday and will be visiting her oncologist on Tuesday at 2. She's had 4 of her 15 doses of radiation already and she's still going to work. She says she mainly feels tired and sometimes really sore. It's hard to believe she has all this going on in her body and she's still being as upbeat as she is. Your prayers would mean the world to us right now.

2. Brady's Smile Blanket #2 was completed this evening. finally. Already have the material for 2 more boy blankets. We're also making one for our cousin Jordan for his birthday- SHHHH... don't tell him! He can't read yet but he'll tell me if you tell him!

3. Julia Grace has officially started skipping naps. It was every other day she wouldn't take one at first, now it's getting to be every couple of days she might take a nap. at 5 or 6 p.m. and wake up at 9 and stay up until oh, say, midnight. She's conked out in the floor right now as of 10.30 p.m.

4. My mom informed me this evening that I ceased taking naps PERIOD at age 2 1/2. Yay for me. And this was with going to daycare - they had to put me up front where they watched their soaps during naptime so they could keep an eye on me. It seems I wanted to keep someone awake to talk to even though it was naptime. I bet they were really glad when I learned to read and just brought books to read instead of blabbing away to my neighbor on my nap pad.

5. I miss the things I got accomplished during Julia Grace's naptimes.


It's late and I'm going to bed.
Will post pics of new blankets in the next day or so. I'm really excited about some things. I don't want to jinx things so I'll hold off on that for now. This is my favorite part of the year - I get excited about all the holidays - especially this year - I can't wait!

My prego friend - I wish you wellness at your diabetes test. you'll be fine. :) Thanks for your prayers too.

My MOMS friends - I will be back this week. I've missed you guys and look forward to meeting our new members. Hope they don't mistake me for a newbie!

My closest 2 friends. Jayne and Angie - miles away and you're still there the mostest. Thanks for letting me vent and making me laugh. I know I can always count on you two!

Kari - you ran away. I still love you. It will all get better in time. :)

Good night all!!

Making Blankets...

Last Monday, September 15 I read an article on 5 minutes for mom ( http://www.5minutesformom.com/4270/blankets-for-bradys-smile/). Long story short - a little boy was born and had many complications in his short, 2 year old life. While in the ICU he received a blanket that seemed to truly comfort him. They were what I know as tie blankets - the blankets you make with 2 pieces of fleece and cut & tie knots to make a fringe around it. My friend Angie and I made one for Julia Grace's bed last year during the winter.

I guess what I remember most is that when Julia Grace was born she had to stay in the NICU for 9 days. When she was at Greenville Memorial they gave her a small blanket and a hat that had been made by a ladies group. While the hospitals lost the blanket en route from Greenville Memorial to Spartanburg Regional, we still have the little hat. I know the little things like this were a sweet thing for someone to have done for all these little ones and Julia Grace spent her first 2 weeks of life with that little crocheted hat on her head. I think it's the little things that make times like that more bearable.

So my immediate thought after reading the challenge put out by 5 minutes for mom was I can do that. I've already made one and it would be a great thing to do. Someone had the thought to do it before my child was born and would be great to give back like that. The program at current only benefits hospitals in the Connecticut and Pennsylvania areas and that's okay. The challenge put out there by 5 minutes for mom was to make as many as possible by October 14 and send them to this family business where they then supply them to the hospitals where their son was treated in his brief life.

This Saturday, Mallory and I went to Hobby Lobby and picked out fabric for 2 baby sized blankets - we got enough to make two "girl" blankets. Mallory picked out the pooh fabric and decided the purple matched the best for the back to her. So we went with Mallory's pick - it was a good one - I liked the green or lighter pink to go with it, but purple went well so purple it was.

She insisted that she did not want to be in pictures but we could take pictures of our handywork. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not much of one to be in the pictures either. I like the other side of the camera! HA! So I'm following with our pics of materials before and after. We completed one blanket. I'm going to make the second one today. Mallory wants to make 2 boy blankets the next time she's here. I think it's awesome that she's so thoughtful and wants to help with it.

This is getting long, but I did want to throw in there to please continue to pray for my mom. She was having a good day yesterday and definitely in good spirits. I'll be going to visit her very soon. Thanks for your prayers!

Day Out with Thomas - to be continued...

Today we went to Dillsboro, NC to the Great Smoky Mtn. Railroad for their annual Day Out with Thomas event.

Julia Grace loved it - I have so many pics and so much to put up about it - we stayed probably about 3 hours. If you haven't been and have a little one it's totally worth the trip!

I'm posting the pic below with the intention to add more pics and blog more either tomorrow evening or Monday. We have a lot going on this weekend - and believe it or not, I am sleepy at a decent hour.

Tomorrow, Sunday, August 3, is the last day of the event for this year - if you have time to do it, you should go! Great photo opportunities too at no extra charge!

Have a good night!

Tracey

Who are you?

I think I have lurkers. I lurk too. Don't be ashamed. Just tell me who you are - you can email if you want.
I'd like to know who is out there. I've been coming out of hiding on other people's blogs. It's fun! Almost as much fun as my coffee with it's hazelnut biscotti creamer. Yessirree. or maybe not if you don't drink coffee.

And I promise to do much better about updating. Heck, I'm lightyears ahead of last year's ramblings. :)

Have a great day and don't forget to tell me you stopped by for a visit!

Tracey

This is for me and it's for you!

This blog is for me and it is for you. I have struggled with a lot of different things bombarding my mind daily. A few of you even know that I've not gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night during the last month. Coffee is something I'm rediscovering in the last few weeks. In high school and the college I truly loved, it was my fuel. It fired me.It is helping me press on some days when I don't think I can go. And when the coffee doesn't help and even when it does, God is behind all of it, pushing me forward again.

But, I digress... Coffee. Sounds good, but it is almost 4 a.m. and I've been up since 11 a.m. yesterday. An hour of nap got sandwiched in with Julia Grace.

What is keeping me awake? Who knows? God knows. I know. You know. A few of you out there are having the sleepless nights too. You're wondering how you can go forward too. I can't answer all of it. I'm sorry these things are happening right now. I wish I could fix it for you. How I wish I could, but I can be here and God is there for you.

This didn't make sense to a lot of you. It made perfect sense to me. It will make sense to some others too. I love you all. God bless you!

This is the song that has moved me so in recent weeks. I hope it's something you all can enjoy.